Tiny Baby Bump

Remember that one time a few months ago when I said I felt frumpy and was definitely not a "cute" pregnant lady this time around? I shared this photo.

Well guess what.... it hasn't gotten any better! I ran across this next photo that my father in law took while I was pregnant. I remember being HUGE so I decided to figure out how far along I was and compare. I still can't believe what I figured out...

I was HUGE!!!! Granted, I was further along than I thought, so it really was more like 36 weeks, but STILL! There is a significant difference between the two photos. Not only do I look so terribly exhausted and my belly is tiny, but look at the SHAPE. Taysom made my belly perfectly round. This little girl makes my tummy long and funny looking. She seriously better be cute....

On a less vain note... a lot of people say that I am lucky since I am so small. These people have never experienced a small or tight pregnancy. I have now experienced both ends of the spectrum and can honestly say that I much prefer being big. Every time I see a huge pregnant women, I am sincerely jealous. To better understand, you have to remember that while I am measuring small, the baby is measuring PERFECT. She is the same size as any other 36 week gestation baby, she's just stuffed in their so tight rather than pushing out forward. That hurts. Like He**!!! Take my word for it!!! I can feel her on my tail bone, up against my hip, and behind my ribs/sternum.... ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!

As ready as I am for her to not be inside of me, I am NOT ready for her to be out. This is opposite of how I was with Taysom. I was pretty much 100% ready at 37 weeks. The sooner he came, the better. I have SO much going on between school, Mary Kay, Taysom, and Chris. I need a few more weeks. We got all of our baby stuff out of storage, but have NOWHERE to put it, so her crib is overflowing with crap right now. We have a ton of clothes for her, but I have no idea what sizes and what we still need because I don't have a place to organize it all. We need a changing table and dresser, but oh wait, I don't have room for that either. Like I said, I am SOOOO not ready. So, I will just suffer through and say lots of prayers and get to work, or try to at least!!!

Scholarships and School

The last few weeks have been crazy weird. We had been told that Chris's job would pay for my tuition after a year, but found out that the information we were given was wrong and that they would only cover my tuition after TWO years. To top it off, we found out that I lost both of my scholarships - one because I submitted my fafsa too late, and the other because my gpa dropped less than .1 below what it was. This caused for a couple anxiety ridden days of panicking and trying to figure it all out. I still get a small amount of pell grants, so we decided that I will continue going to school, but only part time (6 credits) instead of the more than full time load (14 credits) that was required for my scholarships. As we made this decision, the anxiety started to subside and we eventually felt a lot of peace, and even excitement about our decision. I can continue my education while having enough time to be with my kids and focus on what is most important. The thought of making a little bit of money even crossed my mind, but I pushed it away because there is no way I want to work outside of home, leaving my sweet babies more than I already have to.

So we solidified our plan, each of us will take 6 credits a semester, Chris will work full time, and we will both be able to spend time with our family. It's going to take a bit longer to graduate, but we are still working towards it, and that's what matters, right? After graduation...? Who knows... maybe we'll stay here, maybe we'll go to grad school, maybe we'll move on. WHO KNOW?! We'll figure it out as it comes. For now, I am happy with the less stressful way of life we have chosen.

Pregnancy... Well... Sucks

I have A LOT to catch up on, but that is just going to have to wait. My husband and son are taking a nap right now, and I couldn't sleep. I don't want to clean. I don't want to craft. All I can think about is my belly. This is going to sound so incredibly stupid, I know it. But since this blog is a sort of journal for myself, I want to remember this.

I remember being hot and miserable when I was pregnant with Taysom. And I even remember crying about stretch marks and feeling unattractive and worrying about the weight I was gaining. But I also remember loving my belly. When I would get dressed in my new pregnancy clothes, I felt CUTE. Up until the day I delivered, you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind or straight on. I carried him all in the front. I was excited for those things. I have been looking forward to my cute baby bump and the pregnancy clothes, and everything.

24 weeks and 4 days with Taysom. (2014)

I have already explained how different this pregnancy has been. I didn't feel her for the longest time and have been in so much pain and have been so sick. I lost a ton of weight, and even though I have gained it back, I am currently sitting at the weight I was at before I found out I was pregnant. That's great, right? Except for the part where I feel fat. I feel that I gained nothing in my belly, but a ton in my face and hips. I don't feel pretty. I don't feel cute. And I DEFINITELY don't feel sexy. I remember feeling that way in front of the mirror with Taysom, but I would dress up and be fine. I dress up now and it just makes me MAD! I am breaking out so bad. I feel disgusting wether I wear makeup or not. I feel... gross.

When expressing some of these concerns to my doctor, he said "when people say that you are glowing, they really mean that you have excess blood flow to your face and you look like crap!" This was his way of trying to comfort me and assure me that it is totally normal. But I mean, seriously? I  really want to enjoy this time, but I am finding it so hard.

For a little comparison, here is a photo of me at 24 weeks and 4 days with my first pregnancy and another photo at 24 weeks and 6 days with this pregnancy.

Pregnancy #1 VS #2

I don't have a huge baby bump. Noone can even tell that I am pregnant. They just think I've gained weight. I don't feel cute, just fat. Yeah, I know, this is part of having babies. It's life! But next time I am 'pregnancy hungry' and think that it's all peaches and sunshine, I want to remember this feeling. Cause.. well.. it freaking sucks....

On a much happier note. I love that I can now feel the baby move. It gives me a warm reassurance. As far as we know, she is healthy as can be. Her heart beat is great. I have my glucose test in a few weeks and the doctor wants to do another ultrasound just to make sure everything is alright. Nothing is wrong, our last ultrasound was just a bit early. Despite my body image issues, I am very happy that this little girl is healthy and am so excited for her to join our family. It really is amazing how she has already integrated herself into our family even though she's not even here yet. We really are a family of 4 now.

Potty Talk

Guys... Seriously...

Potty Training + Me = NO!!!

Trying to teach him how to wipe.
Key Word = Trying

I am SOOO not ready for this. Like, not even a little bit! However, we bought a potty seat for Taysom so that he will not be afraid of the potty when the time comes. We let him sit on the potty before or after his bath sometimes. He thinks it is so cool! His favorite part is flushing. It is also SO funny when we hand him toilet paper and tell him to "wipe". He will wipe his NOSE, then put the paper in the potty. Too funny!

A week or two ago, Taysom said potty and climbed out of the bath. I thought he was just bored and wanted to play on the potty, but I didn't want to fight with him, so I let him sit on the potty. Then he peed!!! I think it was a coincidence. He was really confused at first but then got very excited and happy. I thought it was kinda funny, but didn't think much of it.

Yesterday, we were all playing in Taysom's room, and out of nowhere, he stops playing, grabs his diaper, looks straight at me, and says "potty!" I was just going to ignore it, but he kept saying it and even tried taking his shorts off, then ran into the bathroom, so I indulged his desire and let him sit on the potty. As soon as I put him there, he went pee! I couldn't believe it. He had do go potty, actually communicated that to me, and waited until he was on the toilet to go! GOOD JOB, BUDDY! 

Pretending to throw up in the potty...
Like Mommy.

While I am in no way ready to start potty training, I really don't think he is either. I am okay with occasionally escorting him to the potty. However, I am NOT ready to rush to the nearest toilet, or deal with soaking wet undies and department store accidents. I am NOT ready for the regression that is sure to come in less than 5 months when his baby sister arrives. I am not ready. I am not ready. I AM SOOOO... NOT... READY!!!

I am oddly learning to tolerate and even be totally okay with expensive diapers, endless wipes, and nasty diaper changes. They are really okay. I think I can tolerate it for a little while longer.

Stay little for a little bit longer my sweet boy!

On another note, with me being so sick this pregnancy, Taysom has spent many days rummaging through the bathroom drawers while I throw up. Sometimes he would come up behind me and pat my back, but the funniest thing ever was when he would bend over the toilet next to me, stick out his tongue, and say "BLEH!" It's even funnier that he still does it. Such a goof!!!

Service Baby

It is so fun to watch Taysom grow into his personality. It is also so much fun to look back and see how his personality was strong, even before we met him. He has such a powerful, loud, energetic personality, and I now realize that I could see it before he was born. While I was pregnant, I craved McDonalds and could have sat in a scolding hot bath all day. Taysom now LOVES the bath... and french fries! I also always wanted to go go go when I was pregnant with him. It didn't matter where, I just wanted to GO. The first thing Taysom says when he gets up from bed is "Go?!" I had so much energy when I was pregnant, both good and bad, and he is definitely just like that.

These funny little parallels have made me be really observant this pregnancy. While it is hard since I can't really feel her yet, I have definitely been able to learn a bit about her. The biggest thing I have found so far is that I think she is going to be much calmer than Taysom. I think she will be more cuddly than him. All I want to do right now is sit on the couch and watch project runway all day. With Taysom, I wanted to BE project runway!!!

The big thing I realized today is that I think little miss is going to be a very kind and generous person. Over the last few weeks, I have found myself multiple times reaching out to others and serving them in various ways. If you know me, you know that I love to help, but I cringe at the word "service". I haven't even been realizing that I am serving until I'm almost done. While doing something for a near stranger a few weeks ago, Chris, the service guru in our family, asked me "Why are you doing this for them? You don't even really know/like them?" My response was simple, because they were in need, and I had the time/ability to help them. But it doesn't stop there. I have found myself volunteering to serve even when I really DON'T have the time or ability. Like offering to do something when my week is already SWAMPED and we are going out of town (lack of time). Or volunteering to teach the relief society lesson on very short notice (SERIOUS lack of ability). I just... feel... the desire, I guess! Like I said, she must have a very sweet and generous spirit. I can't WAIT to meet her and get to know her! She is an example to me already!!!

The most recent project that I took on was for a family in our old ward. A young pregnant woman was diagnosed with preeclampsia and had an emergency c-section at 32 weeks. Since then, she herself has had multiple ER visits, has been hospitalized, and even had gall bladder surgery! Her son has done miraculous, considering the situation, but is still in the hospital 6+ weeks later.

Tonight they get to do a live in study at the hospital to determine wether or not he is ready to go home. While he is doing so great, the struggle is not over just yet. He is still just over 6 pounds and has a very compromised immune system. They will have to be very careful to make sure he is not exposed to any illnesses and stays healthy.

She posted on Facebook a few days ago asking if anyone could make a little yield sign to put on the carseat asking bystanders to not touch the baby. I had never seen such a thing, and don't have any particular talent in the area, but offered to do it anyway! (Why? I DON'T EVEN KNOW!)

I went right to work, brainstorming the best way to do it. It is not perfect by any means. It is so simple, but I am obsessed with it! I just love it! With our little Miss being born at the onset of RSV season, I think this is going to be a must for us. I might as well bust a few extras out while I'm at it. Who wants one?! 

While I was dropping off this little sign to a family I barely know, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with love for them. I am sure that Heavenly Father loves them so very much and I have come to love them too! I have been praying so hard for their sweet little boy the last couple months and am now crossing my fingers... and toes... and hair... hoping that he will finally get to go home to his wonderful new parents tomorrow. If there is anyone out there actually reading this, please join me in prayer for them! They really are such wonderful people and deserve to have their family complete. NO-ONE deserves to go through what they have been through. No-one.

(Gosh, baby girl! Why you gotta make me so emotional!!!)

Like I said, I have already learned so much from this little girl inside of my tummy. I really am not one to volunteer myself to serve others regularly, and she has helped me to gain such a desire. She helped me to serve this sweet family, and Heavenly Father has in turn helped me to grow to love them. I really am so grateful for both my little girl and my Heavenly Father. They are both so great!

Ice Cream Cake

I realize that I have yet to post about a pretty big hobby of mine, cakes! It is on my list of things to write about, but this was too good to wait. I have made a few ice cream cakes, all amazingly delicious, but none 100%. On Sunday, I made one more to add to that list, but this one almost made the 100% cut! It was soooo good. It had a brownie base with a mint chocolate chip ice cream layer and a vanilla layer, topped with crushed Oreos and a fudge drizzle! MMMM! The only thing I would do different is to put the Oreos and a nice thick layer of fudge in-between the layers of ice cream! 

MMM! MMM! GOOD!!!!

I like to take pictures of my cakes outside because the lighting is better. And... well... this picture doesn't really need a description. It speaks for itself! 

(UN)comfortable sleeper

Before Chris leaves for work (at 3:00am) he always checks on Taysom. This is what he found this morning. I mean seriously kid, that CANNOT be more comfortable than laying IN your bed. He is totally my kid!