Pregnancy... Well... Sucks

I have A LOT to catch up on, but that is just going to have to wait. My husband and son are taking a nap right now, and I couldn't sleep. I don't want to clean. I don't want to craft. All I can think about is my belly. This is going to sound so incredibly stupid, I know it. But since this blog is a sort of journal for myself, I want to remember this.

I remember being hot and miserable when I was pregnant with Taysom. And I even remember crying about stretch marks and feeling unattractive and worrying about the weight I was gaining. But I also remember loving my belly. When I would get dressed in my new pregnancy clothes, I felt CUTE. Up until the day I delivered, you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind or straight on. I carried him all in the front. I was excited for those things. I have been looking forward to my cute baby bump and the pregnancy clothes, and everything.

24 weeks and 4 days with Taysom. (2014)

I have already explained how different this pregnancy has been. I didn't feel her for the longest time and have been in so much pain and have been so sick. I lost a ton of weight, and even though I have gained it back, I am currently sitting at the weight I was at before I found out I was pregnant. That's great, right? Except for the part where I feel fat. I feel that I gained nothing in my belly, but a ton in my face and hips. I don't feel pretty. I don't feel cute. And I DEFINITELY don't feel sexy. I remember feeling that way in front of the mirror with Taysom, but I would dress up and be fine. I dress up now and it just makes me MAD! I am breaking out so bad. I feel disgusting wether I wear makeup or not. I feel... gross.

When expressing some of these concerns to my doctor, he said "when people say that you are glowing, they really mean that you have excess blood flow to your face and you look like crap!" This was his way of trying to comfort me and assure me that it is totally normal. But I mean, seriously? I  really want to enjoy this time, but I am finding it so hard.

For a little comparison, here is a photo of me at 24 weeks and 4 days with my first pregnancy and another photo at 24 weeks and 6 days with this pregnancy.

Pregnancy #1 VS #2

I don't have a huge baby bump. Noone can even tell that I am pregnant. They just think I've gained weight. I don't feel cute, just fat. Yeah, I know, this is part of having babies. It's life! But next time I am 'pregnancy hungry' and think that it's all peaches and sunshine, I want to remember this feeling. Cause.. well.. it freaking sucks....

On a much happier note. I love that I can now feel the baby move. It gives me a warm reassurance. As far as we know, she is healthy as can be. Her heart beat is great. I have my glucose test in a few weeks and the doctor wants to do another ultrasound just to make sure everything is alright. Nothing is wrong, our last ultrasound was just a bit early. Despite my body image issues, I am very happy that this little girl is healthy and am so excited for her to join our family. It really is amazing how she has already integrated herself into our family even though she's not even here yet. We really are a family of 4 now.